Cemetery Drive
by obsessedbutnotcompulsive
Summary: The cold steel blade pressed against my arm and I sighed into it's release. This wasn't right. I knew it, and I knew I needed help. Yet I felt mute to the world, unable to ask for it. Inspired by the song Cemetery Drive by My Chemical Romance.


Cemetery Drive

Prologue

Oh god. The relief of the sensation of the cold steel against my skin was overwhelming. I groaned and allowed my head to loll onto my right shoulder. I swallowed hard. The blood flowed out in a crimson river down my forearm and into my upturned palm. Why was it that the blood seeped freely from my body but the tears could not? I choked on a dry sob.

I had to stop this. The self mutilation, the inability to communicate with the rest of the world, the self loathing and disgust. I had to stop it, but I had no idea how. I needed help, and I knew it.

My room seemed to glow in the fluorescent light of the moon. From my cold spot in the corner I saw the room as I had before a hundred times.

I saw it as a toddler would, curled into a tight ball on the floor, staring past my looming bed and out the open window at the full moon beyond.

God, I felt so empty, so vacant. It was as though I couldn't feel anything anymore. No wait, I did feel. I felt disgusted, I loathed myself, I felt alone and betrayed.

And I knew that those feelings would never disert me. They would be there always, in the back of my mind, whispering at me. Their whispers would turn to murmurs, their murmurs to words, their words to screams until I would clamp my hands over my ears and grit my teeth. Then I would abide to their commands and drain them out through my outstretched arm.

There was a knocking at my door and I knew it was too late to run and

hide.

Chapter 1 -Mount Horizon-

I suppose it was a good thing my foster mother walked in on me that night and found the blood seeping from me as I lay unconscious on the floor.

"Wash your face then put these clothes on." The blonde woman who was in the bathroom with me commanded as she handed me a pile of neatly folded clothes that smelt of soap.

I did as she instructed and watched the water run black down the drain. I pulled on the clothes she handed me to find that they fit well enough, though I couldn't say I liked the plain grey colour of the t-shirt and boot cut of the jeans.

The angry red scars on my forearm glared up at me as I stared at the floor. The woman handed me a deep red, long button up sweater. I thanked her as I pulled it on and the scars disappeared from view.

"It's going to be hard you know."

I glanced up at her. "I know."

"I'm glad that you do. I'm also glad that you're so willing to accept help. It's going to be a long hard road, but you can make it." Surprisingly her firm voice comforted me.

"Look, I'm not stupid. I know something's wrong with me. I know I need help, I just didn't know how to go about getting it." I concentrated on the sink

nearest me as I crossed my arms defensively across my chest.

"It must be very difficult for you to say that. Normally the hardest step on the road to recovery is admitting you have a problem. From the looks of it, you've just skipped about a month of long arduous treatment. Good for you." Her lips turned upwards in a faint smile and I instantly found myself liking her. I could almost feel myself trusting her.

"Thanks." I frowned. "Can you show me the kitchen now? I'm starving."

"Sure. Come on."

I know it must seem like I accepted this whole thing awfully fast, a little too fast, maybe even a little unbelievably fast, but I wanted help.

Things hadn't always been bad. I had been happy once, I had been a great person. I had lost myself, and I was desperate to find me again. Besides, I knew this place was better than Juvie or lockdown, or yet another foster home or even youth shelter. Like I had said, I wasn't stupid, and I knew I was damn lucky just to be in this damn Swiss Chalet they called a school.

Overall I liked the Swiss Chalet. It was ten times nicer than any home I'd lived in and the foodlooked twice as good as anything I'd tasted. I didn't even mind the part about doing chores, it was better than rooting through dumpsters for a 'meal'.

Apparently according to the nice blonde lady, I was the first student here to really realize just how lucky I was to be stuck up on this rock. I was also holding the record for the longest time since arrival without swearing at any of the counselors. I was quite pleased with myself.

After giving me a tour of the place, she said I could join the other students for lunch. It was noon, and as we entered the mess hall I started to feel nervous about meeting my group. The group I would spend my entire time here at Horizon with. I would eat with them, go to classes with them,

sleep with them, do everything with them.

After being moved from home to home so often, I hadn't had time to develop real relationships with anybody. I wasn't that sociable. I was nervous, people and I didn't really go well together.

I had had one best friend, my only friend. Katy. We had been friends since Grade 2, and we had lived in numerous homes together. She had been my one stronghold, my rock, my crutch. The last I saw of her she was looking up at me from a stainless steel tray with a tag hanging off her toe.

After that, I had refused to let myself form attachments to anyone. Attachments lead to fear, hurt, anger and ultimately pain and misery. I had enough of that in my life as it was.

Sophie, the kind blond woman, led me over to a cafeteria type line up for food. I grabbed a tray then went over to the food counter. A kid in an apron handed me a plate of food. It looked decent enough, well, delicious to be honest. There was some pasta in a tomato sauce, a salad with a clear dressing and a fluffy white bun. My mouth watered.

I took my tray and followed Sophie.

"There it is." The woman smiled and pointed to a table up ahead.

The table was surrounded by average looking kids my age, their heads bent low in a quiet conversation.

I drew a deep breath.

"Everyone, this is Lake. She'll be joining you." The woman presented me with a flourish of her arms, as though she were one of Barkers Beauties from the Price is Right and I were some flashy sports car being presented to the contestants.

They all simultaneously raised their heads and looked me up and down.

"Hi." I waved pathetically.

"Lake this is everybody." She waved over at them. "Katherine, Auggie, Juliette, Ezra, Daisy, Shelby and Scott." She introduced each one and I didn't even bother to try and remember their names.

"Lake, you can sit right here." She placed her hand on my back and nudged me towards a chair at an end of the table. I supposed it was so everyone could get a good look at me.

I eased myself into a seat near a girl with shoulder length straight brown hair and a girl with longer, black hair.

"I'll be back after lunch to pick you up." Sophie leant over me and said into my ear. I nodded and she left.

I looked around the table to find that everyone still had their eyes glued to me. I smiled weakly.

"So what are you in for?" A girl with light blonde hair asked me smugly, I didn't like her already.

"Don't you mean 'here for'?" I asked with my eyebrows raised. "This is a school, not prison."

"Sure, whatever you say." She responded with her nose upturned.

"Well...answer the question." A blond guy said smugly in the same tone as the girl.

"I don't have to answer you." I put all my emphasis on the word you. I glared at him. I was perfectly willing to answer the question, I just wasn't going to answer someone so rude.

"Why are you here?" A stunning African-American girl asked softly. I liked her, I could tell.

"Cutting." I smiled at her then turned around and glared at the blond guy.

"So why'd you do it?" The dark haired girl on my left asked me.

"I guess it was mainly because I was moved from one abusive foster home to another and my best friend was murdered last year." I stated simply, I wasn't in the mood to talk at the moment. I would much rather have been putting my energy into eating.

I picked up my fork and dug it in to the pasta. I twirled it around then brought it up to my mouth. It was delicious.

Slowly, people around the table commenced eating and stopped gawking at me.

Other than that slight bit of conversation lunch was uneventful. Just as I was finishing up, Sophie reappeared at my side.

"How'd you like to continue the tour?" She asked placing a hand on the back of my chair.

"I would like that very much." I picked up my tray then took it over to the proper place Sophie had shown me earlier. I joined up with her at the entrance.

"You're only been here 2 hours and already you're better than half the kids in here." She said fondly.

"I like it here."

After showing me the lake and a few equipment sheds, she took me to my dorm.

"Wow, this is really nice." I said looking around. It looked so cozy, like a ski lodge or something else I had seen on tv.

"You'll be assigned to bunk 5." She kicked the bed nearest her and I flopped down on to it happily.

She sat down on the bed across from me and her face grew stern. "Now listen, Lake. I'm not expecting too much trouble from you, but I have to tell you this anyway, it's procedure."

I nodded, expecting a speech or some other stuffy stuff.

"If you choose to run away, we're not going to stop you, but if you do, I just think you should know that the nearest town is 20 miles away. If you run, you'll have to make your way through a forest you've never seen before in the dark. It's dangerous, and you could get very seriously hurt. You're here because we want to help you, and we can't do that if you decide to run."

I looked at her increduously. Had she not even read my profile? I wasn't going to run, where in the hell would I go? Back to another home? To a shelter? Back to the streets? I don't think so. I looked her right in the eyes and said firmly, "I'm not going to run. You can trust me on that one, I have nowhere to go."

Something deep inside me twinged and I wrapped my arms around myself protectively. I was right, I had nowhere to go.

Sophie sensed my change in attitude and switched beds to sit next to me. She rubbed her hand up and down my back and the motion made me feel so good.

"You have here." She said firmly.

"Thank you." I said earnestly and smiled weakly up at her.

"Now come on, the Cliffhangers are going mountain biking, and I know you want to come." She said playfully.

"Yeah, I'd love to go biking." I grinned. I was slightly nervous however, I hadn't been on a bike in years.

"Great! So why don't you throw on some shorts and meet us in the courtyard at a picnic table in 5 minutes?"

"Sure, I'll be right there." I nodded and stood as she rose to leave.

"See you soon." She left and I headed over to my bag. I rummaged through it until I found my black jean shorts, hand me downs from Katy and my low top Converse. I undid my sweater and took it off, then I realised my scars. Ashamed, I took out a long sleeved t-shirt and added it to my shorts and sneakers. I changed quickly and tied my hair into a loose bun at the nape of my neck.

I thought it was strange to be in such a normal place, with normal clothes and normal food. My hair even felt normal. At the moment the top half of my head was my natural color, a thick black color, and the bottom was a bright bubble gum pink. Katy had always said I should dye my hair pink, but I hadn't listened to her until after she was gone.

I couldn't help but smile at the irony as I left my dorm room and headed down the steps and into the main courtyard. I spotted my group all sitting around gloomily at the picnic tables. They didn't seem too thrilled about bike riding. The blond and dark haired girl who had talked to me before were already complaing and Sophie was trying to get them to shut up.

"You know, I don't really see the point in getting covered head to toe in mud and sweat for a little bike ride through the woods. Why do we have to go anyway? This is so stupid!" The dark haired girl who I had talked to earlier, Juliette I think her name was, moaned and whined.

"Oh come one guys! It'll be fun! Lake wants to go and she hasn't even been here a day! If a new kid wants to do it it has to sound fun, new kids never want to do anything. You guys know that." Sophie tried to convince them it wouldn't be as pointless as they thought.

"Well I'm ready." The blond guy said. I couldn't help asking myself who exactly cared if he was ready.

"Well then," I started, glaring at him, "We had best be off." I crossed my arms and bent my right knee, he was quite infuriating.

"Lakes right, let's getting going." Sophie nodded to me and beckoned for us to follow her over to one of the sheds. As we were walking over there, that blond guy, Scott, came up behind me.

"You," He pointed at me menacingly, I was slightly taken aback. "You, you watch it." He rubbed the corner of his mouth with his index finger and glared down at me, then stalked off. I stood there, shocked for a moment, long enough for another guy to take notice.

"Yo, dont' pay attention to Scott. He just doesn't like people challenging him, aight? He's quick to anger too. Don't worry 'bout it." He reassured me.

"Thanks." I mumbled as we walked together towards the shed. "Wonder what happened to make him so mad..."

"Stepmom." He said quickly as we neared the rest of the group.

"Oh." I immediately understood. Poor guy, I suppose I should be nicer to him.

Sophie began passed out helmets and when I recieved my shiny red one I followed Juliette over to the bikes. I grabbed one, hung my helmet from the handlebars and pulled it out of the stands.

We all guided our bikes back outside and mounted them as Sophie ran through a safety lecture. I tuned it out as all my focus was turned towards regaining my balance on a bike. I would lift my feet up then hold them up for around a second, it seemed to be working, it was all coming back to me.

Before I lived in the homes, I lived with my dad. He was great. Totally outdoorsy and active, we used to hike and go mountain biking all the time, every weekend. Then things fell apart and I was placed in foster care, but I guess the skills still stuck with me.

It was great being back on the bike. After Sophie finished talking, we all followed her in a single line off on to a trail. I loved the familiar feeling of being jostled and bumped around on my seat as we went quietly along over roots and cracks in the earth.

The forest was beautiful, completely different from the Rockies back home. There was more underbush and it was greener, and the air smelt of wet earth.

The path ahead of us widened and different people rode in doubles. Wanting to speed up slightly, I decided to pass two groups of doubles ahead of me. Their eyes flashed anger as they glanced up at me from their hunched over panting to see me happily pushing on.

The secret to easy bike riding was to change gears, and I shifted constantly.

Soon, I was approaching Sophie, whose pace was still even a might slow for me. I knew she could go much faster and still be comfortable, she was just going easy on the other students.

"This is beautiful." I said with my back straight and my head up as I fell into speed with Sophie.

"I'm glad you're enjoying it." She also rode with an air of ease. "I'm surprised you're not tired."

"Oh, I would go bike riding with my dad all the time, before I was sent into the homes. This trail is surprisingly easy actually, mostly flat. Perfect for a nice easy ride." I smiled and looked around, marveling at the nature around me.

"What happened? To you and your dad I mean." She glanced over at me, probably judging my reaction.

"Things just kind of fell apart, but lets save that for later. I'm enjoying the scenery too much to think about that right now." I smiled at her.

"Ok." She said, seemingly satisfied with my response.

We rode silently together for five more minutes before I heard the familiar buzz of a bike going at top speed approaching my tail.

That piece of...Scott rode up beside me. He was panting from the acceleration. He watched me closely for a few seconds until I sped up and drew ahead of him, uncomfortable under his piercing stare.

He sped up too, then I sped up, and we continued until Sophie was far behind us and we were the only ones left on the trail.

"What do you want?" I asked frustrated as I stood up and pumped harder in an attempt to get away from him. He copied my motions exactly and pulled up next to me again.

"Nothing. We're all supposed to be on a bike ride, I just like biking fast." He sounded...different, not cocky. His voice was so strange, it almost sounded like he had an accent, or even a speech impetiment.

"Well, you're not going fast enough. Will you leave me alone?" Oh god, Katy would have had my head for being so dicky to a guy as good looking as him.

"Want to race?"

I was totally shocked. No I did not want to race! Well, maybe I did, but just to kick his ass!

"Fine, but I'm going to ask Sophie first. Wait here for a second." I held my hand up and signaled him to a stop.

"Why?" He asked scowling again.

"I just got here, I'm not looking to get on anybodys bad side after one day thank you very much." I snapped.

Not soon after I had spoken Sophie came up over the last rise.

"Given up already?" She inquired as she skidded to a stop next to us.

"Can we race?" I cut straight to the chase. I smiled at my own pun, oh he was going to be chasing me.

"Well, I don't see the harm. This path loops right back to the campus so stick to it, and stick together. If anything happens, stay together and wait for the rest of the group." She commanded sternly. "Here, I'll start this race for you."

We lined our bikes up perfectly then waited for Sophies signal. Scott, the little...tried to fix me with his best glare, so I just smiled sweetly and batted my eyelashes.

"Go!" Sophie yelled as she dropped her arm.

Dirt flew up behind us as our tires dug in to the soft ground. I have to admit, he was good, he was fast.

We both fought hard to keep the lead, and neither of us had it for very long, a few seconds at most.

The farther we went, the more treacherous the trail became. There were more and more roots, and sharper twists and bends. There were even a few fallen trees too. Soon, we were both standing and panting hard as we raced neck and neck, the trail had begun to slant uphill to top it all off. The air rushed into my lungs and smarted my throat, it was so moist it was hard to breathe. Every pump was growing painful and I could feel the burn in my calves.

Up ahead of us there was a large rise then a short dip after it. As we went up over the small hill, I jerked my handle bars up, hoping to catch some air. I did, and boy was I ever grateful.

I neatly soared over the fallen tree that lay just beyond the very tip of the rise. Scott wasn't so lucky.

His front wheel collided smartly with the log, sending him flying off the bike and into nothingness. He landed with a loud thud then rolled two or three times before coming to stop face down in the dirt.

I screeched to a halt then sprang off my bike, leaving it to fall in the middle of the path. I rushed over to him and knelt down, placing my hand on his shoulder.

"Are you okay?" I asked urgently. He moaned the rolled over, his face was covered in the blood that seeped from his nose. It reminded me violently of my own blood as it flowed from my arm and I grimaced and turned away.

"Your nose is bleeding pretty bad." I said, my face still turned from him.

He groaned and sat up, feeling his nose. "Y'think?"

I rolled my eyes and stood up, then risked a glance back at him. "Is anything else hurt?"

"I don't know." He spat. "Shit."

"Fine." I huffed and crossed my arms across my chest then returned to my bike and righted it, dropping the kick stand and propping it up.

I looked back to see him sitting up and hunched over, probably brooding over his defeat.

"Well," I said as I headed towards him, "I'm going to stand on the other side of the rise to let everyone else know to get off their bikes and walk them over the hill."

He grumbled something incoherent and I paid him no heed as I strolled past him happily.

After walking over the little hill, I found a nice seat on a stump near enough to the path and sat down to wait for Sophie and the others. They couldn't be too far behind.

I waited for five minutes, idly playing with leaves I plucked off a neighbouring tree. I started humming a favourite song of mine to myself and thought of singing it later in the shower.

I almost jumped when Scott appeared in front of me, almost.

"What song is that?" He asked as he stared down at his shuffling feet, he seemed embarrassed even to make eye contact with me.

"We Looked Like Giants by Death Cab for Cutie. Have you heard of them?" I looked up at him.

"No." He shook his head and looked up down the path, still no sign of the others.

"What kind of music do you listen to?" I asked. If I was going to be stuck here with him, I might as well try to make conversation.

"I don't know." He sighed as he sat down on the dirt. He picked up a twig and tossed it off to the side. His face was caked with dried blood, but at least his nose had stopped bleeding. "I don't really listen to music."

"Hm, strange enough." I smirked and stood up then started pacing.

"Well, it's not my fault!" He said defensively. Woa! Where did this come from?

"Alright." I said getting defensive myself.

"It's just, I was busy y'know?" He still sounded angry as he hucked another stick into the woods.

"Sure." I rolled my eyes as I turned away from him. What, was he looking for a counsellor here? I didn't need to know his life story.

I was getting hot and frustrated. My back was sticky with sweat and my throat hurt from breathing through my mouth. In frustration, I hiked up the sleeves of my shirt, hoping to cool off. I put my hands on my hips and turned around to face him again.

"Where are they?" I muttered to myself.

"Do those hurt?" He asked, motioning to my arms.

"What?" I was confused, then I realized my mistake and cursed myself. Ashamed and embarrassed, I turned away then pulled my sleeves back down to the tips of my thumbs and crossed my arms, my back hunched over. "No!" I distractedly tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.

"I know Juliette did it because of her mother, but why did you?" He crossed his legs and fiddled with a dry leaf.

"Didn't I already answer this question?" I looked over at him, deeply annoyed.

"I wasn't listening." He stated flat out then looked away.

"I don't know!" I snapped, flailing my arms. I sat down roughly on the other side of the path and picked up a loose pebble and flung it back down the path.

"Geez, I was just asking! No need to get all aggressive." He held his hands up.

"Aggressive! You're calling me aggressive? Kind of hypocritical don't you think?" I turned my head away from him and rubbed my neck, it was starting to hurt from the stress.

"Whatever." He dismissed it and shrugged.

"I did it because my best friend was murdered last year. Random stabbing, alright? Now will you stop with your insufferable questions?" My tone had once been weak, now it turned harsh and angry.

"Sorry." He held his hands up again. "I'm sorry about your friend too."

"Yeah?" I asked turning to face him full on. He swallowed, I could see his Adams apple moving up and down. He looked almost scared. "So am I."

I stood up and dusted my butt off. I could hear the distant whirring of bike tires. "They're coming."

"Finally." He chucked his last little play thing off to the side and got up with another groan.

Sophie appeared first and halted immediately at the sight of us, or more likely Scott.

"What happened?" She gasped. "Watch out guys!" She called over her shoulder before jumping off her bike and running to Scott to examine his nose.

"There's a fallen log behind that rise there." He explained as she felt around his nose. "Lake flew over it but I crashed into it."

"Oh, come one. Let's get you back to campus and to the nurse." She walked back to her bike as 6 more appeared around the bend. Before they could stop, Scott and I turned around to gather up our rides. As we walked back to our bikes I could hear Sophie explaining to the other students to carry their bikes up and over the mound of dirt.

By the time all 7 of them had made it over the log and resetted their bikes, Scott and I were waiting and ready to go.

The blond girl immediately hurried over to Scott and gasped at his nose. I heard then whispering sweet nothings, no doubt, before I gagged and turned away.

"Okay, no more speeding ahead." Sophie grinned and appeared at my side.

"Agreed." I smiled back and we continued to the school.

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A/N: I don't know if I'm going to continue with that or just have it floating around as an option to update if I get bored. Let me know what you think and I might update if you liked it.


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